A Place Where My Heart Speaks

Sometimes

2010-04-02T21:09:00.001+08:00

the people you love most are the ones who’ll hurt you most…I really wonder how do I put up with all the heartaches caused…Sometimes I wished I was better off dead than alive but God gave me this life and I owe it to him…I cannot just end my life…I know this was the road I’ve chosen and there are responsibilities and I have to accept the consequences that come with it. I cannot just leave…Oh God, please help me overcome this pain in my heart. Please give me strength to carry on and guidance and wisdom to overcome this. I hope this heartache will end soon enough it’s killing me =(

Why Girls Don't Want to get Married

2010-03-05T16:11:00.006+08:00

Wow I found this interesting article today in some forum and guess what........it rings a few bells in my own reasons...... My comments are in purple.....

Some common reason taken from internet:-

●After marry, I'm no more his lover. I don't wish to be cold treated.

●After marry, my position in his is far behind from his family, he won't have much care about me anymore

●Affter marry, every friend and relative only interested to know: "When will you give birth?", I don't want to give birth and don't wish to tell people: "We are working on it."

●After marry, I've don't want to have problem with my mother in law.

●After marry, our love nest will become home for our kids. Mother in law will visit sometimes, and I need to prepare a room for her

● After marry, my son and daughter become someone's grandchildren, I don't want someone to take care and teach them

●After marry, his mom become my mom, my mom is still my mom. I don't need to serve my mom, but I need to serve his mom. I only want one mom.

●After marry, I become the slave of his mom, being ordered around without expecting complains.

●After marry, we cannot go anywhere for vacation just as we like it. Going somewhere near, worry his mom asking why don't bring her along; going somewhere far, worry his mom will say don't waste so much money.

●After marry, house always has to be neat and tidy, to prepare for her majesty coming

●After marry, he may has affair outside. i don't wish to check his phone often, also don't want to check of his shirt got some special perfume

●After marry, I will become a maid. I don't like someone order me around, saying that I'm lazy, don't respect elder. I need to go for work, need to rest, I don't want to be slave in both working place and home

Well, I'm married but I don't want any kids and yes MIL's get in the way but challenges makes you stronger and ignorance is bliss.....Sometimes just being yourself is better than pleasing everyone. So if you have a naggy MIL, just ignore and do your own stuff.....and let her know you don't like to be ordered around....you will do stuff whenever you like. Marriage is a good thing when two people help each other out to settle problems.....you and your husband are one family so make that a wonderful family =)

Valentine's 2010

2010-03-03T14:25:00.004+08:00

14.02.2010

It's Valentine's Day!!!! and also first day of Chinese New Year...After waking up from bed, my hubby and I went for breakfast and after that hubby took me to buy my valentine's day pressie!!! He wanted me to choose my present...hahah...and I choose a necklace instead of roses....since roses withers and u can't keep it after that, I'd rather have something for keeps =) Love you hubby dearest ♥

Welcoming Year 2010

2010-02-22T18:16:00.005+08:00

Wow.....It's been ages since I've blog....goodness me!!! Life in 2009 hasn't been a bed of roses but well life goes on hopefully Year 2010 will be a better year for me in every aspect...Hmm....Every event seem to pass through wilth a blink of an eye....First up for Year 2010, was a planned holiday with hubby then a big arguement with hubby erupt, thank God for wisdom we continue with the planned holiday and made up.....then comes a house ^.^ So happen there was a soft-launch before our holiday so we made a booking. Thank God we can finally have a house of our own. Then comes Chinese New Year.....this year is going to be my first time giving out "angpow" Gosh makes me feel like an Aunty....hmmm...I shall just pass this role to my hubby...ekekekek....Then now I'm at work AGAIN.....Work seems to revolve around our lives so much that it takes up bout 3/4 of our lives without noticing it. Well this is because we need to work to have more money for ourselves and so we spend most of our lives working. Money seems to be like the air we breathe unless we are multi billionaires. We survive on money like our food.

Just a few days ago, I found out that one of my ex-boyfriend has finally found his sunshine after being single for like 2 years or so since we parted our own ways. Well I hope the best for you dear =) Hope that all will end well for the both of you....What remains are the memories you left.

I have not even come up with 2010 resolutions YET......will make some time for it...till then ADIOS!!!!

Movie turn Dinner Date

2009-05-02T01:23:00.005+08:00

On the 29th of April 2009, Hubby and I had a double date for movie with our friend , another married couple for movie at Cineleisure. What turned out to be a movie date ended up as a dinner outing instead. My husband was working so by the time he got back, got the puppies cleaned up and we got ready was already about 7:45p.m. It was impossible to reach Cineleisure in time for the movie that starts at 8:00p.m. we thought we were going to be only 15 minutes late ended up to be 45 minutes instead. This was because my dearest husband missed a turn, so we took the next turn but we weren't familiar with that route to Cineleisure. So we made a U-turn and tried for the next till exit instead. We thought there was going to be a U-turn nearby somewhere, but instead we needed to take a really BIG U-turn. We had to go to Mont Kiara to turn back to Mutiara Damansara. GOSH!!! So we thought not to rush and just skip the movie. When we reached The Curve it was 8:45p.m. Missing out so much on the movie wasn't going to be good so we went to The Street at the The Curve to have dinner instead. Our couple friend was already in the cinema watching the movie but we were okay about the idea on skipping the movie. There were so many choices to choose from so we chose Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. since hubby and I hadn't tried it yet.

It is a nice place with nice interior and a little pricey food. While we were looking through the menu, the next table ordered this special ice-cream cake that I couldn't remember the name. It definitely looks absolutely yummylicious. Hubby and I looked at each other and we thought if we ordered it we definitely cannot finish it because we are having dinner unless plan to have that ice-cream cake as our dinner. Hmm...so next time. Food at Bubba Gump was good though it's a little on the pricey side but well their portions are big. Hubby and I had to share. But it was a good dinner!!!

Hubby's Birthday!!!

2009-04-28T15:11:00.005+08:00

Last Friday, the 24th of April 2009, my husband, sister-in-law and I went to Tenji's Japanese Buffet to celebrate my husband's birthday. I tried booking Jogoya Japanese Buffet restaurant at Star Hill but the dinner slot was fully booked throughtout the week. So I opt for Tenji's Japanese Buffet Restaurant at Mont Kiara instead. Tenji's is pretty much similar to Jogoya. We had a sumptuous dinner. They had sashimi, sushi, fried food, desert bar, soupy dishes, etc. The tiramisu is fabulous! We didn't have time to take pics because we were so eager to eat. After dinner, we took a short stroll nearby to ease our bloated stomachs.

Our next agenda on the list was to head off to MOS for clubbing. It's been about almost 2 months since the last time and I've been itching to go there. The best part about this club is that it is smoke-free. This is heaven!!! For the first time in all my clubbing experinces, this was the best of all. I don't even stink after clubbing. But the weird part was that, Sunway Hotel had some dinner or prom function and those peeps head on to MOS after their function with coats and gowns. OMG!!! So weird having clubbers in gowns and coats. But anyways, all of us had fun. Will definitely go back to Tenji's and MOS for more!!!

http://www.tenji.com.my/home.html

Cravin' Ice-Cream!!!!

2009-04-02T20:35:00.009+08:00

UGH!!!!! I suddenly have this sudden craving to eat ice-cream. Swensen's??? Yummylicious!!!! Their ice-creams are so mouth-watering...The last time there was last year. It's been LLLLOOOONNNGGGGG!!! Anyone up for Swensen's??? My usual craving satisfaction would be the Oreo McFlurry from McD's but not anymore since I only go to Swensen's once in a blue moon. Can't wait to go!!!

http://www.swensensicecream.com/

Movie Day

2009-03-30T23:50:00.006+08:00

Sunday,29th of March 2009. I went out with dearest hubby to Mid Valley for dinner and movie. We left Subang Jaya at bout 7.30 p.m. to meet up with a friend, a couple for movie. Finally my hubby had time for movie! So tough to get him out for movie cause it's either he is too busy or by the time he is free, he wants to just laze around and catch up on some sleep. He wanted to watch this movie, that's why he was so enthusiastic about it.
When we arrived, we had Sushi King for dinner, then we head on to GSC to watch KNOWING. It's an action-thiller movie. Kinda eerie on some parts cause of the environment and sound effects. It's another one of those end of the world movies. But I like the ending. How the fire just swept over the whole earth, the effects were good. But I still can't buy the idea where aliens were angels. Just so weird. But it's a good watch.
This movie does remind me of the book of Revelation from the Bible.

Click this link to read the synopsis and view the trailer
http://knowing-themovie.com/

EARTH HOUR

2009-03-28T17:22:00.003+08:00

Hey Guys!!!

It's Earth Hour Day!!! Support Earth Hour by switching OFF your lights from 8.30 pm. to 9.30 p.m.!!! Remember to switch OFF the LIGHTS!!! Help save mother nature. It's just ONE hour. So do your part and help mother nature. For more info, visit earthhour.org/malaysia.

YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

REMEMBER TO SWITCH OFF YOUR LIGHTS ON SATURDAY, 28 MARCH 2009, 8.30 P.M. TO 9.30 P.M.

Travel Saga

2009-03-26T00:13:00.005+08:00

This is going to be so outdated but oh well....

I'll be blogging on my previous travelling experiences at 4 places, namely:-

1. Bandung,Indonesia - September 2008

2. Pudong and Huangzhou, Shanghai - October 2008

3. Phuket Island, Thailand - November 2008

4. Jakarta, Indonesia - December 2008

5. Guangzhou, China - January 2009

I didn't really had the time to blog about it so yeah...gonna blog bout it soon =)

Marriage for me

2009-03-24T18:03:00.008+08:00

To all my friends who has been wondering why on earth I decided to get married at such a young age of 22 when it was just the beginning of my youth and career. I have been with my husband for 4 years in courtship and we decided to bring our relationship to another level. We want the lifetime commitment to each other; to have a family. Many would think I am too young for marriage. But then, marriage knows no age. There is no right age for marriage. Most of the time, people set their age for marriage, so it differs from individual to individual. Maturity in life also plays an important role. I had already experience the little bits of enjoyment that youth has to offer but maybe I prefer a stable life. Still, fun does not end when you're married. It gets better having someone sharing all that fun with you. At 22, the outside world is not to be missed, but there is more to life than all those little fun. Marriage for my husband and I are more for companionship. We love being in each other's company, doing things together, up to the point where we decided that we just don't want to be separated. Our 4 years of courtship has brought us to know each other better, how we both grew in our relationship. And the learning process goes on until today even though we are married. There's a lot of challenges in life and relationships. It is how we resolve it that matters at the end of the day. If two people cannot resolve their issues it definitely takes more patience to work on it. Avoiding and running away from problems are not the best way, it will only come back to haunt you again when you're with someone new. And then are you going to runaway from it again? In courtship you can do that, but not marriage. Marriage takes more patience and courage and it's definitely not a bed of roses and things cannot be resolved over night, it takes time. If a partner only knows how to runaway from problems instead of facing it and settling it, then you had better look for a new partner.

To all my friends, I have been married for 6 months now and life was good and bad. But things get resolved so that's where the good part is. Marriage is not only about love. Being madly in love would not solve any problems. Most importantly is how you resolve and reconcile after an argument, quarrel or misunderstanding.

Fhai, I thank God that you are part of life. You were the answer to my prayer before I met you.

I'm Back!!!

2008-11-19T13:37:00.005+08:00

I"m back to blogging. Finally after all the hustle and bustle of wedding preparations. Time flies so fast and now it feels like I woke up one morning and I'm married. To be happy or not it is actually a combination of both. Reason being, I miss my family members and friends alot and the only one person I have is my husband. Living with my husband in another town with no one close around sometimes is quite depressing. Even if I go back to my parents home on weekends, i don't have time to meet up with my close friends as I need to spend time with my family. I don't have enough time. Now I only meet my close friends once in say two to three months.

When things get stormy with my husband, and in the midst of anger, sadness, disappointment and hurt I have no one to talk to. So I figured out that though you may have a husband, you still cannot count on him to comfort you in the midst of the storm. In the end I'm still alone and there's no one who can pick me up but myself. My husband will never comprehend how it feels like to live with no friends and family around you except your in-laws unless I make him live with my family back at home. Sigh...

This is just the beginning of a long journey ahead of me. It has been only three months. I hope I can hang on for the many unpredictable years ahead of me. When only three months I feel like giving up at times. Or maybe I'll be numb in few years time just like what a friend said to me. If I had a choice to choose again, I don't know if I would choose the right road. Because in life there are many choices and when we decide on one we cannot turn back and marriage is one. "To have and to hold, for better or worst, til death do us part..."

Sekali Ini Saja

2008-02-28T18:34:00.009+08:00

I would like to dedicate this song to the person who dedicated this song to me. There are a lot of "If Only's...." In such a short time you left very deep footprints in my heart which is undeniably one of the deepest. The reason I dedicated this song to you is because of the same reason you dedicated it to me. I will be missing you.

Glenn Fredly - Sekali Ini Saja

Bersamamu
kulewati lebih dari seribu malam
Bersamamu yang ku mau
namun kenyataan yang tak sejalan

Tuhan bila masih ku diberi kesempatan
Izinkan aku untuk mencintanya
Namun bila waktuku telah habis dengannya
Biar cinta hidup sekali ini saja

Tak sanggup bila harus jujur
Hidup tanpa hembusan nafasnya

Tuhan bila waktu dapat kuputar kembali
Sekali lagi untuk mencintanya
Namun bila waktuku telah habis dengannya
Biarkan cinta ini...
Hidup untuk sekali ini saja

...................................................................................................................................................

Takdir bukan milik kita,
Walaupun kita tidak bisa bersama,
Namun kau selalu dihatiku,
Akanku mengingatimu tuk selamanya.

Malaysia still Home

2008-02-22T22:55:00.005+08:00

Finally I'm back. Home sweet home. Arrived on the 1st of February. It was such a good feeling. Eveything seemed so familiar. I went home and gave my mum a surprise and she was extremely happy. On that same day, she brought me shopping for my chinese new year clothes. Such a good feeling shopping in Malaysia. I could afford those beautiful clothes and shoes. Finally after all the hard work I get to pamper myself. I was practically indulging in all the luxuries Malaysia could offer. Only one thing wasn't as perfect; the weather. I have always liked cold weather and the four seasons. I'm going to miss that very much. I've been very busy since I touched down. So sorry darlings, with Chinese New Year around I could not avoid it. I am officially free now so yes let's go out and meet up. I miss you guys. Thanks for being patient!!! muaks!!! Love ya all!!!

Specially dedicated to Kelvin...

2007-12-18T01:52:00.000+08:00

Kelvin Lam....Lamb Lamb sounds better....I miss you Lamb Lamb....I miss the 38 times and the college times we shared. Always aarguing with each other. Always getting at each other...and lots more...I know you miss me cos UK is so boring and without me around it's worst...Haha...Your life is just boring without me..ahahha...You have to admit that. Well I might have good news for you. I might continue my studies soon I guess maybe after next year but might be at a different location and we could meet uo if you are still in UK then. Anyway you have been a wonderful friend all these while and I really really miss you company and our "38" times, "yam-cha" times, movie times and more. Take care my dear friend. I miss you sssssooooooooo muchies!!! I'm fine someone broke my heart but I'm ok now. Thanks for caring....You were the one I run to when I have problems. But now you are so far!!!!! Anyway, just wanna tell you I miss you alot....Come back let me know ok...bye!!!

Kenangan Terindah

2007-12-12T15:20:00.001+08:00

Something meaningful I found...

Aku yang lemah tanpamu
Aku yang rentan karena
Cinta yang tlah hilang darimu
Yang mampu menyanjungku

Selama mata terbuka
Sampai jantung tak berdetak
Selama itu pun
Aku mampu tuk mengenangmu

Darimu...
Kutemukan hidupku Bagiku...
Kau lah cinta sejati

Bila yang tertulis untukku
Adalah yang terbaik untukmu
Kan kujadikan kau kenangan
Yang terindah dalam hidupku
Namun takkan mudah bagiku
Meninggalkan jejak hidupku
Yang tlah terukir abadi
Sebagai kenangan yang terindah

I'm not heart broken anymore....

2007-12-04T20:32:00.003+08:00

With reference to my previous post,"Someone I might lose or keep", today I have decided to let go of my dear friend. I am not going to be heart broken and saddened by our cold friendship anymore. Thanks to all my dear friends who has been there advising me and giving me moral support. I have thought about all the advises given and I am back to normal again. The happy Felicia all of you know. Sorry to Haric, Rush Darling, Hairul and Fhai that I have been so down these few days. I am back to my normal self now. To those people mentioned above and also Chew Seeng, thanks a lot for your advises. Most of you told me not to mull over a friendship that has turned cold and not negotiable. And he's not giving in either so I guess what you guys said was right. But I will still be his friend if he wants too.

Birthday at Astana

2007-12-02T20:06:00.002+08:00

My 21st birthday was not a big party but it was a meaningful one. I spend it with my fiance and friends at Astana. I was very touched that my parents and my younger brother gave me very meaningful words. I miss them. I was so touched to have read messages in their cards and presents they bought. I could not hold back my tears. Though I have not had homesick here in Astana thus far, but my heart miss the warmth and company of each of my family members and friends.

There was a bigger surprise at hand on my birthday, my boyfriend proposed!!! It is a memorable birthday. I was speechless. With all the effort he put in to set up the ambience it was all done with his two hands and brains... It was lovely and romantic. A very beautiful sight. My heart melted. It was simple and romantic. He brought me in the living room with my eyes closed with lights turned off. Then he sat me down and ask me to open my eyes. When I opened my eyes, my heart just melted. This is very very romantic. I was speechless. Then he sang a song to me and ask me THE question. I took awhile to answer though cause I was too happy that no words could express that happiness I felt. And yes I agreed to marry him.

Someone I might lose or keep...

2007-12-02T00:07:00.001+08:00

Four months with four seasons,
It started with Spring,
Went through Summer,
Then came Autumn,
And now Winter has taken its rightful place, in just two weeks,
Winter might be the longest...

I am saddened by the recent and sudden change that occured. But I somehow anticipated it because from my past experience, there are a minority that will not be able to handle rejections and still remain close friends.

It is either you lose a friend or you gain a friend. I know this traingle has been unfair to this person that I treasure and care a lot about. And I know it has hurt him many times because I cannot be with him. What I can offer is friendship not courtship and he knows it very well. He knew he will lose me one day, he was just waiting for the time. It breaks my heart to know that I will hurt him unintentionally and until the time comes I know he will be hurt also. Through whatever decisions or circumstances, I would end up hurting him. What am I to do? No matter what I do I would hurt him. Unless of cause I choose to be with him. But that would not be possible because I found my soulmate, I would not give him up for anything or anyone else. I am in a very difficult position. The least I want in my life is to hurt people I love, people who are close to me and people I care and treasure.

I cannot go on pretending I never knew him. I am not a pretender who can just pretend that I never knew him at all. I cannot. It's not my nature. And he thinks I can just erase him out of my life just like a blink of an eye, so easily and just forget him. Well, you do not know me . I am not a heartless and cruel person. I remember people who has shared part of my life. And these people who has shared in my life will always be remembered and treasured by yours truly.

I apologise for all the unintentional hurt I have caused you. But you knew my answer long before. From the bottom of my heart, I want to apologise and ask for your forgiveness for all those hurt I have caused whether intentionally or unintentionally. I never meant to hurt you in anyway. I have always had the best interest for you in mind and not to hurt you in whichever away.

My intentions were all sincere and I cared for you with much sincerity and love. Now that winter has arrived, I will respect each and every of your decisions. Of cause it breaks my heart to know our friendship has turned cold. But as I have said before, I will NEVER forget you. And that is the truth.

I will always be two steps behind you if ever you need someone,
I will always welcome you with open arms like how it was before,
I will give you a warm hug and a shoulder to cry on if you need one,
I will NEVER shut you out of my life UNLESS you shut me out of your life.

Last but not least, I will ALWAYS welcome you with open arms at any time.

3 Horrible Weeks

2007-12-01T23:50:00.001+08:00

It's been 3 weeks of non-stop. Very sick and tired. During that period I guess evryone was depressed and demoralised. Not surprising. There's always a rainbow after the storm but this rainbow will not stay for long. The storm seems to be longer. Anyhow, I view it as a training grown for me to grow stronger.

Bad Times at Astana

2007-10-26T01:01:00.000+08:00

Working in Astana is at most times; depressing recently. The only motivation I have is to gain experience here and nothing else. it is the only thing that benefits me here. Pay is little, work is a lot. It is no different from working your ass off. Much similar to what I call cheap labour. It seems more like the company is exploiting the labourers. No bonuses, or commissions, no working permit, expired visa, etc. What does that tell you? A company well established should not be like that furthermore this is international. This is more like illegal work than a well established international company. I am very upset with my salary simply because I have more responsibilities and skills than one of my colleague and I am getting the same pay. My colleague has very little knowledge about detailing, Photoshop, 3D max to name a few and that person does not really go to site as well and goes back early. Though that person is a degree student, I am gonna be frank; that person has no knowledge about interior designing and I do not know how that person got the degree. Even a diploma student is better than her. I'm not shy to say that I have better skills than that person though I am only a diploma holder. Of cause I am unsatisfied and furious.

Projects here some actually cost a lot of money but where does the money go too? Something worth 1 million USD. Where does the money go to? Sometimes I feel that I am no different from those Bangladesh workers in Malaysia. Working illegally with cheap pay. The difference is that I have a higher qualification and I am in the professional line. My mum did advise me on this matter In which she is right about the company exploiting the workers. Management here is horrible. Now my patience and tolerance level has reached its limits. I do not think I can tolerate working like a cow here anymore. I'm not gonna be a stupid cow.

An Unforgettable Memory

2007-10-14T20:20:00.002+08:00

I had an extremely wonderful memory on the night of 25th of September 2007 . In my entire journey of life thus far, no one and I repeat NO ONE has ever done this for me. It was a very sweet memory. Sweetest in my life. Definitely "An Unforgettable Memory". My Moon Cake Festival and Early Birthday Surprise.

After work, I went home and laze in my room for awhile. Not long after I received a phone call from KS. He called me asking me at what time I was free after I finish taking my shower and dinner, so I told him at about 2200 hours; Astana time. He said he has something in store for me. And I could not meet him after 2300 hours.

Not long after having dinner and my shower, KS called again to see if I was ready. He was already waiting for me outside of my apartment. So I asked him what was it and he just ask me to follow him. I thought he just wanted to drop something for me but it wasn't. I was thinking so hard what he wanted to give me. As we were walking towards the guard house at the main entrance of my apartment, he asked me to close my eyes. So I did as was told. He led me to the lake opposite my apartment. With eyes closed, I could only trust him in leading me. And I did.

When we reached our destination, he asked me to open my eyes. To my astonishment, I saw many paper lanterns lighted along the trees at the lakeside. Though not the whole stretch of trees at the lakeside, it was enough to make my jaw drop. That was only the beginning there was another surprise awaiting me. Something more spectacular.

He had me sit down on the bench and asked me to wait and watch for something. Not long after, beautiful fireworks just filled the dark sky. It was wonderful and beautiful. No one has done this for me before. It was a dream come true to watch this. Fireworks just keep filling the sky. One after the other. It was pretty long though the whole fireworks showcase. It was beautiful and I was really touched by what he did. None of my boyfriends has done this for me. It was very thoughtful and sweet of him.

He actually went all out to search for those fireworks and bought it just to celebrate it for my birthday. Since he was going back to Malaysia during my birthday so he decided to give me my birthday surprise early. I was just so speechless at that point of time. I was very touched by what he did. Those fireworks definitely caused him a lot of money. I was happy; too happy to actually describe it. Words just could not explain how happy and touched I was. Thank you KS for making my dream come true. It was one of my secret dreams and you made it come true. I guess it is every girl's dream to have their boyfriend do this but unfortunately he is not mine. Anyway, let's not get into the sad side of the story.

KS thanks a lot for giving all these wonderful memories. I will definitely remember them. It is definitely UNFORGETTABLE. Thanks also for the perfumes you bought. I love it very very much. You just knew what scent I am fond off. I cannot thank you enough for all you have done for me. From the bottom of my heart, I want to express my deepest gratitude and appreciation for all the times you took care of me when I was sick, for watching over me most of the time, for accompanying me to do grocery shopping, etc. And of cause you have left your footprints in my life.

Answers to my decision

2007-08-17T11:35:00.000+08:00

In my previous post, I mentioned that I did not choose my new crush; instead I chose to stay with my boyfriend. There were several reasons as to why my boyfriend had the upper hand. First, I have been with him for three years now and our relationship has been strong thus far. Second, he was the guy I chose before we were together and he is almost the perfect guy for me. There were many factors that made me decide to stay with my boyfriend. My boyfriend had the upper hand all along. It was just impossible to let someone new into my heart. Someone who do not know me inside out, someone who do no understand me as well and can read my mind. My heart could only hold a place for my boyfriend; simply because I loved him very much and he is already part of my life and that no one could replace him even in the midst of me giving him up. My crush put a lot of effort into winning my heart but to no avail. My heart just could not be shaken. No one replace Fhai from my heart. I believe that God was actually guarding my heart.

There were several factors as to why I did not give in to my crush. He was not the type of guy I wanted because I have already found the guy I want. Then comes our thinking, our mindset differ. He is a very very good guy. Very boyfriend material. But I guess it is not our fate. Furthermore religion was an issue for me. I'm sure he will find someone one day. He will find his missing rib, that fits perfectly like I did. I feel really sorry for him. Like I said it is just not our fate. We can be best of friends but I do not see any future cause I found my soul mate.
Love is seeing an imperfect person as perfect. That is LOVE.

1 Corinthians 13: 4 - 8

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

Finally I Have My Answer

2007-08-09T13:05:00.000+08:00

This morning I came across a bulletin in my Friendster. It quotes "Never leave the one you LOVE for the one you LIKE. Because the one you LIKE will leave you for the one they LOVE." This quote really clarify all my doubts and it strengthen my decision of giving my hand in marriage to my husband-to-be. Things were pretty bad for my bf and I last month. Thank God I made the right decision to stay with him and not let my new fling get in the way. Thank God for wisdom. My bf made a promise to me though and apparently he has changed and I believe in him. My mum can be a witness. I thank God for a wonderful mum I have because she is involve in almost every part of my life. Even in my courtship. I feel blessed to have a mum like her.

Fhai, I just want to take this opportunity to apologize to you. I know I have inflicted much pain and hurt on you in our recent conflict but I never intended to cause you all those pain. I had to tell you my feelings. I had to be honest with you because I cannot keep my feelings bottled up any longer. Fhai, you have been the best thing that happened in my life and I thank you for taking the effort to improve on the relationship and taking it to the next level. If given any chance, I would not want to leave you; even though there were times that I felt like giving up on you but I thank God that He gave us this chance to work things out. Fhai, my heart will always be yours and I'm very sure that no one can replace you in my heart. I can justify that because I still cannot forget you and love anyone else besides you even though I had a crush on someone. He cannot replace you in my heart. You are the only person my heart loves. So do not worry that my admirer can change my heart because I know no one can replace you in my heart. He tried but failed. God also is guarding my heart. Last but not least, I love you...

P/s: Mum you might be reading this I know. I love you mum and thanks for being involve in my love life. I want you to be involve in every area of my life even though I'm married. I love you mum.

"Finally I see and found the Light at the end of the tunnel"

Torn...

2007-07-18T21:02:00.000+08:00

Things have been pretty stormy with my partner before I left Malaysia for Astana. There were things that we did not resolve. During the few months before I left, we had quarells that left my heart faint. So it is no surprise that I let someone else into my life. The question is should I let this new person into my love life?

Have you ever been torn between someone you love for about 3 years and someone you know for about a week? The decision is obvious enough to stay with someone who's been with you for 3 years. BUT what if the person you just knew for about a week overcome the short comings of the person you've been with 3 years? And that person you just knew is overall better than the other? Should I give in and give up on a relationship that I've been in for so long or should I stay? The grass really seems greener. How do you feel when someone you've loved so much does not appreciate you like you wanted them too?

Temptation is so hard to resist when you know this new person might be better than the old. But then again, we need to get to know each other better before I can decide anything. But of course if he finds someone better I'll let him go, he has the freedom to choose because I cannot give him any assurance that I'll be with him. It would be a lost if I did let him go but I cannot be selfish. Sometimes I really wish I wasn't attached. This is what happens after being attached for so long. You do not know if you are with the person because you do not want to get of the comfort zone or it is because you really love him. Or you might be afraid the new person is not as good as the old?

Can I believe someone who has lied to me about his smoking habit? Can I believe someone who has broke his promise about quitting smoking? My trust has been lost in that matter, can I gain that trust again? Because I know that until now I have not gained back that trust. The new person does not smoke. And it has been one of my criteria that my future husband does not smoke. Then again, you'll never know a person's true colours until you are in a courtship with him. Only then you will know his true colours. I cannot have two partners at once. It is not fair to neither of them. I cannot give up my relationship for a new one because I do not know what is in store in the new relationship. I might regret losing my old flame? I might regret not starting with my new flame? So hard to decide. I just do not want to regret anything ; this I know. But I cannot have both of them. I have to choose between the both of them and it is a risk I have to take. I admit that now, I want to have the best. But what decision should I make? Maybe I'll know my answer after getting to know him better then I'll decide. That would be the best way I guess. I need opinions and comments. Anyone with advices please do help me because I'm lost and torn.

Life at Astana

2007-07-18T19:34:00.000+08:00

When I first touched down, it was rather a dusty country. After staying here for almost one and a half months, I'm adapting well. The first few weeks have been quite tough for me. Adapting to housemates differences, language, the dusty air, the horrendous driving here, etc. Life here thus far has made me a stronger person. Work style here is different, and the culture and mind set of people here are different too. Work is rather stressful and tough over here but thus far manageable. Shopping and a stroll in the park, playground or lakeside helps with stress management. I'm glad that there's a lakeside within walking distance from my apartment. It is a beautiful sight at the lakeside. I'm beginning to like this country though. After one month everything has settled down for me. Then comes a new beginning...I met someone...So this is where the headache begins....

Motorcyclist sometimes a PEST!

2007-04-19T23:12:00.000+08:00

With the lack of motorcycle lanes on Malaysian highway, not only are the lives of the motorcyclist in danger, but some become a pest or obstruction on the road. Some motorcyclist seem to think that their fathers own the road or highway. They are somehow the cause of road accidents. With them hogging the road and highway, it's no wonder they die early. Well I guess they ask for it and it serves them right. I'm not being evil but I've come across many of these irritating motorcyclist who hog the roads. They won't move to the side of the road when they know there's an oncoming car behind, they just keep hogging the road. So yeah, they are inviting themselves to the valley of death with much stupidity.

Other than that, there are some motorcyclist, mainly youngsters of a certain race in my country who does not have a tiny bit of driving etiquette. These people just ride out from a junction without looking and when you hon them, they lift their middle finger at you when it is their mistake. You are just warning them and they call you stupid (in their language) and lift that hideous middle finger of theirs. What an embarrassment to our country! Furthermore it is Visit Malaysia 2007. This kind of attitude is an embarrassment to our country.

Halo

2007-04-02T23:17:00.000+08:00

I never promised you a ray of light,
I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday,
I give you everything I have, the good, the bad.
Why do you put me on a pedestal,
I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below,
So help me down you've got it wrong, I don't belong there.

One thing is clear,
I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here,
you wouldn't say so you wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

I always said that I would make mistakes,
I'm only human, and that’s my saving grace,
I fall as hard as I try
So don't be blinded
See me as I really am, I have flaws and sometimes I even sin,
so pull me from that pedestal,
I don't belong there.

One thing is clear,
I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
you wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

Why you think that you know me
But In your eyes
I am something above you
It’s only in your mind
Only in your mind
I wear a Halo

One thing is clear,
I wear a halo,
Iwear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
you wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

Finally...

2007-03-19T23:40:00.000+08:00

Finally I'm able to find time to blog again. Had been busy preparing for job interviews for the past weeks eversince my final presentation and with all the chinese new year holidays. I have not even pen down my new year resolutions. *sighs* Well I guess it is still not too late to do so.

I've finally graduated (Thank God!). Looking for a job now and I hope I'll be able to get that job that I want. Alot of things happened in these 3 months, both good and bad. Somehow, life gets grey when there's too much emotions of sadness, hurt, etc. But I guess soon after the rain has stopped, the sun will shine again.

Could I be Wrong?

2007-01-16T20:12:00.000+08:00

I was just wondering today if I am currently in a courtship with the right person. Hmmm..... I know I have no reason whatsoever to leave this wonderful guy. I just hope he won't portray his love and affection by buying materialistic things like what my ex did. Because what I want is not things or that of what money can buy......time.

Time together is what I want and if that is what I can't get, I'll move on to another person. If my husband is the type to be home by the time I sleep or just staying at home for minutes after he comes back from work, then I might as well not be married. What is the point of marrying someone whom you only get to see when you awake, back from work just minutes before he goes to his next agenda for the night after his dinner, and peeking through the darkness in the night with sleepy eyes to see that shadowy figure doing something with an impulse that says, "Oh, he's back", and goes back to sleep again.

I do not wish to have that kind of a spouse. I want a spouse who would spend quality time with me together, like doing activities together, going out for movies together, spending time talking to each other in the room before sleeping and so on. I don't think that is too much to ask for. It's not that I'm not being understanding enough. Why don't guys be understanding enough? Why is it always that the females have to be understanding?! Guys always say girls aren't understanding enough....Why can't they just turn it around and understand us instead?!

Guys are somewhat selfish in nature just that some do not realize. I've come to know this fact because few guys confessed it to me. Well I hope guys who read this will realize the importance of quality time. Need to get back to my work. Just felt a need to pen down my thoughts for the day. Till then....I'm outta here!!!

Happy New Year

2007-01-14T16:48:00.000+08:00

It has come an end to the year 2006 and welcome 2007!!!! Spent new year's eve at Port Dickson at a resort along with a few friends. I had a wonderful time ushering into 2007! Will post photos and update my blog after my finals. Till then,

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2007!!!!

May all of you have a blessed and prosperous year ahead, with good health and abundance of blessings !!! God bless the world!!!

Busy Busy.....

2007-01-05T14:51:00.000+08:00

From now on till maybe February, I might not blog anymore. Finals coming up!!! Need to rush my work. To all that has been reading my blog, I'm so sorry....will resume me blogging after my finals. Till then take care all!!! Muaks!

MEN = Double standards + HUGE ego + NArrow MINDED

2006-12-07T11:33:00.000+08:00

I got this article from a bulletin board in Friendster. I find it rather true and relevant to me. Here goes...

MEN = Double standards + HUGE ego + Narrow MINDED.
In an interesting studies done by Ngee Ann Polytechnics from Singapore. It gives an insight into what Singaporean men feels about their other half. The study showed how guys are more able to accept a richer partner or a higher educated partner but refused to accept one who is taller than them. The study also showed that there are double standards in men’s selection. The men can be smokers yet refused to accept a partner who smokes. Quite a number wants a virgin wife but yet agrees that pre-marital sex is alright. Does that mean it is okay to f*** around before marriage but when they settle down, the girl must be chaste.Interesting? Double standards to me.Men felt that it is forgivable if they stray but will not forgive his other half if she strays

Better or Worst?

2006-12-06T09:01:00.000+08:00

I was awaken early this morning by my mum; at about approximately 0645 hours, nearly 0700 hours. Later on when I was in my beauty sleep again, my mum rang me up on my mobile phone. Felt so frustrated but anyway, waking early is a good thing. Makes me feel fresh though I slept late last night.

When I tried to get myself back into La-La Land, many thoughts went through my mind and I was hungry. So I thought to myself, "Get up have breakfast and blog!". Since I have so many thoughts running through my head I might as well pen it down now that I have the chance too.

Here goes....

For the past three years since I started college, I realized I have changed quite a bit. And ever since I met that someone special in my life I have changed. I noticed it but never really bothered. Is it for the betterment or the opposite, I'm not to judge.

I WAS .....
1)Strong-willed
2)Determined
3)Head-strong
4)Opinionated
5)Independent
6)Feminist
7)Speak-My-Mind kinda person
8)Perfectionist

Whatever happened to me? What happened to the Felicia I knew? The Felicia I knew had a very strong character, whatever happened to her? I want her back. The Felicia I knew would not tolerate imperfections!!!! For example if a guy asked me to be his girlfriend, the first question I would ask is; "Do you smoke?". And if he says, "yes", then I would straight away answer, "Sorry but I do not accept guys who smoke." Yeah I was THAT determined before.

But now what has come of me??? I have become namby-pamby, in other words weak and emotional. That's what I feel. I was hard as a rock before. Maybe due to the hardships I had been through in my previous relationship. Now I have changed to a softy. I have become more submissive, more tolerant and I do not know what else. I told myself before that I would not end up with a smoker and here I am with one now. Hypocrite to myself so I may say. I bend the rules and expectations I had for myself.

Well I guess relationships do leave an impact on a person. But all in all, I still thank God for what I have changed into. I believe God is moulding me into a better person and I do believe God has a reason for everything that has happened or is happening. Maybe God does not want me to be so egoistic. I think God is transforming me to be a more noble person. Ever since I met my boyfriend Kin Fhai, though I call him hubby or Lao gong (in mandarin), I realized that I have changed to be more selfless, tolerant, submissive, patient, gentle, self-controlled, loving and warm. Though I have not lost all my previous characters of being strong-willed, determined and those I mentioned above. I still have them but in the amount that I need. So it was not all a bad thing to love a person that has a habit you abhor. God brought us together for a purpose and the purpose was for the betterment of the both of us in character. He changed his ways too. He might not realise but people around him and I do. And we do complement each others character without realizing it. I hope that we can work out something for his smoking habit. I'm hoping for the best outcome! And I'm glad I met him.

"If you can see an imperfect person as perfect, then that is Love!"

Fateful Month

2006-12-02T00:33:00.000+08:00

November has been rather a fateful month for me. Never before have I felt so ill-fated for such a long period. First, my laptop CD-Rom backed out on me when I was in need of it to do my 3D works. Fine, I took it for repair at the HP service centre. When I finally brought it back I was so happy I could resume my assignments. Then, I had never imagine that the slightest thing could have happened. That the DVD-Rom would break down yet again (just after the repair!!!! Can you imagine??!!!). Yea it did. There was something wrong with the newly installed DVD-Rom. Out of eight times it would only pop-out twice....GREAT!!! I was thinking to myself what a lousy laptop. Fine took it back for service as soon as possble. Finally, the second time round it did not back out on me again. Thank God. After that, I celebrated my birthday and then came my dad's birthday. That night we had dinner at the famous Bintang Walk in the heart of the city. Everything seemed oh so well.

At 5:50 a.m. on the 27/11/06 however, my stomach began to feel warm. I have no idea why. A few seconds later, I felt like throwing up and so I headed for the washroom. I started throwing up. I was thinking to myself....."Great this is not gonna be good". Yea so every two hours of that day I just threw up. I could not eat at all. I was I would say alone at home??? My brother would not help much. Can't depend on him. All he'll do is ask me to wait when I'm in need of food and water. Which is not good at all. I felt rather miserable. I was in pain, fatigue and basically bed-ridden. I didn't have energy to even speak. I felt very very miserable or in other words " xing ku" in mandarin. For 3 days I felt miserable. My mum was not around either to look after me. She could not take leave because her colleague was on leave. So I decided to go to hubby's house. My mum thought that it would be a good idea too since there was no one at home to look after me and cook for me. Hubby's mum was a housewife so she could look after me and cook for me, because I can't consume outside food or I'll take a long time to recover. Hubby and his mum thought that it would be a good idea too. So hubby came the next morning and fetch me to his home. There, I was much better. Hubby's dad gave me some medicine which took immediate effect after I consumed it.

Thanks to hubby's mum and dad's care and also hubby's care, I was feeling better just after a day. I had more energy, and apetite though my apetite was small. During this time, I lost alot of weight. Hubby also said I'm so skinny now. I'm glad hubby was there for me when my mum couldn't be there for me. Hubby was there to take care of me at nite. He made sure I was feeling alright now and then. He made sure I slept well and he accompanied me till I fell asleep. I definitly love him very much. Eventhough he is busy, he makes time for me. Thanks Laogong.....Love you very very much....Thanks for sacrificing so much for me.

Should I Give Up a Guy For His Habit???

2006-11-23T00:18:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I just feel like giving up on the relationship I don't know why. I still cannot accept the fact that my partner smokes....Anyone with this experience please help me deal with this. I really hate and I mean HATE to see it. Sometimes when I see it, it just makes me want to give up and find someone else. But the least I know, every other guy smokes now and it has become a norm among guys nowadays. Yea, if I'm going to find one who does not smoke, it would be a miracle indeed.

I feel so SICK when I see it everytime. It does hurt to see him smoke. My heart feels so sour til it shrinks. It's painful. Should I give up a guy that meets my expectation (accept his smoking habit) for his habit? I know I cannot accept a husband that puffs. Other than the smoking habit, everything is fine. He meets up to the expectations that I have in a guy. He's loving, responsible, affectionate and everything else, almost the perfect guy for me. Should I give him up for just one habit? Sometimes I feel like giving in to temptation.

P/S: Friends who smokes do not leave the same impact on me, only the person I love does. So I would like to apologise if I offended my smoking friends. Sorry.

Finally....

2006-11-20T18:17:00.000+08:00

Hi there! Finally.....My first post here......Been so busy that I did not find time to blog....to my dearest non-blood related brothers, especially Haz, the long awaited blog has been setup...official opening ceremony today....hahaha....To the rest who's been reading my blog, I no longer blog at friendster. Thanks for leaving comments and you can and are stil welcome to drop your comments here. I really do appreciate comments from all of you out there. Thanks alot...Love ya peeps! muacks!!!

Here's a link to my friendster blog, click here.