Torn...

Things have been pretty stormy with my partner before I left Malaysia for Astana. There were things that we did not resolve. During the few months before I left, we had quarells that left my heart faint. So it is no surprise that I let someone else into my life. The question is should I let this new person into my love life?

Have you ever been torn between someone you love for about 3 years and someone you know for about a week? The decision is obvious enough to stay with someone who's been with you for 3 years. BUT what if the person you just knew for about a week overcome the short comings of the person you've been with 3 years? And that person you just knew is overall better than the other? Should I give in and give up on a relationship that I've been in for so long or should I stay? The grass really seems greener. How do you feel when someone you've loved so much does not appreciate you like you wanted them too?

Temptation is so hard to resist when you know this new person might be better than the old. But then again, we need to get to know each other better before I can decide anything. But of course if he finds someone better I'll let him go, he has the freedom to choose because I cannot give him any assurance that I'll be with him. It would be a lost if I did let him go but I cannot be selfish. Sometimes I really wish I wasn't attached. This is what happens after being attached for so long. You do not know if you are with the person because you do not want to get of the comfort zone or it is because you really love him. Or you might be afraid the new person is not as good as the old?

Can I believe someone who has lied to me about his smoking habit? Can I believe someone who has broke his promise about quitting smoking? My trust has been lost in that matter, can I gain that trust again? Because I know that until now I have not gained back that trust. The new person does not smoke. And it has been one of my criteria that my future husband does not smoke. Then again, you'll never know a person's true colours until you are in a courtship with him. Only then you will know his true colours. I cannot have two partners at once. It is not fair to neither of them. I cannot give up my relationship for a new one because I do not know what is in store in the new relationship. I might regret losing my old flame? I might regret not starting with my new flame? So hard to decide. I just do not want to regret anything ; this I know. But I cannot have both of them. I have to choose between the both of them and it is a risk I have to take. I admit that now, I want to have the best. But what decision should I make? Maybe I'll know my answer after getting to know him better then I'll decide. That would be the best way I guess. I need opinions and comments. Anyone with advices please do help me because I'm lost and torn.

Life at Astana

When I first touched down, it was rather a dusty country. After staying here for almost one and a half months, I'm adapting well. The first few weeks have been quite tough for me. Adapting to housemates differences, language, the dusty air, the horrendous driving here, etc. Life here thus far has made me a stronger person. Work style here is different, and the culture and mind set of people here are different too. Work is rather stressful and tough over here but thus far manageable. Shopping and a stroll in the park, playground or lakeside helps with stress management. I'm glad that there's a lakeside within walking distance from my apartment. It is a beautiful sight at the lakeside. I'm beginning to like this country though. After one month everything has settled down for me. Then comes a new beginning...I met someone...So this is where the headache begins....

Motorcyclist sometimes a PEST!

With the lack of motorcycle lanes on Malaysian highway, not only are the lives of the motorcyclist in danger, but some become a pest or obstruction on the road. Some motorcyclist seem to think that their fathers own the road or highway. They are somehow the cause of road accidents. With them hogging the road and highway, it's no wonder they die early. Well I guess they ask for it and it serves them right. I'm not being evil but I've come across many of these irritating motorcyclist who hog the roads. They won't move to the side of the road when they know there's an oncoming car behind, they just keep hogging the road. So yeah, they are inviting themselves to the valley of death with much stupidity.

Other than that, there are some motorcyclist, mainly youngsters of a certain race in my country who does not have a tiny bit of driving etiquette. These people just ride out from a junction without looking and when you hon them, they lift their middle finger at you when it is their mistake. You are just warning them and they call you stupid (in their language) and lift that hideous middle finger of theirs. What an embarrassment to our country! Furthermore it is Visit Malaysia 2007. This kind of attitude is an embarrassment to our country.

Halo

I never promised you a ray of light,
I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday,
I give you everything I have, the good, the bad.
Why do you put me on a pedestal,
I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below,
So help me down you've got it wrong, I don't belong there.

One thing is clear,
I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here,
you wouldn't say so you wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you


I always said that I would make mistakes,
I'm only human, and that’s my saving grace,
I fall as hard as I try
So don't be blinded
See me as I really am, I have flaws and sometimes I even sin,
so pull me from that pedestal,
I don't belong there.


One thing is clear,
I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
you wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

Why you think that you know me
But In your eyes
I am something above you
It’s only in your mind
Only in your mind
I wear a Halo

One thing is clear,
I wear a halo,
Iwear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
you wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

Finally...

Finally I'm able to find time to blog again. Had been busy preparing for job interviews for the past weeks eversince my final presentation and with all the chinese new year holidays. I have not even pen down my new year resolutions. *sighs* Well I guess it is still not too late to do so.

I've finally graduated (Thank God!). Looking for a job now and I hope I'll be able to get that job that I want. Alot of things happened in these 3 months, both good and bad. Somehow, life gets grey when there's too much emotions of sadness, hurt, etc. But I guess soon after the rain has stopped, the sun will shine again.