My 21st birthday was not a big party but it was a meaningful one. I spend it with my fiance and friends at Astana. I was very touched that my parents and my younger brother gave me very meaningful words. I miss them. I was so touched to have read messages in their cards and presents they bought. I could not hold back my tears. Though I have not had homesick here in Astana thus far, but my heart miss the warmth and company of each of my family members and friends.
There was a bigger surprise at hand on my birthday, my boyfriend proposed!!! It is a memorable birthday. I was speechless. With all the effort he put in to set up the ambience it was all done with his two hands and brains... It was lovely and romantic. A very beautiful sight. My heart melted. It was simple and romantic. He brought me in the living room with my eyes closed with lights turned off. Then he sat me down and ask me to open my eyes. When I opened my eyes, my heart just melted. This is very very romantic. I was speechless. Then he sang a song to me and ask me THE question. I took awhile to answer though cause I was too happy that no words could express that happiness I felt. And yes I agreed to marry him.
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Someone I might lose or keep...
Four months with four seasons,
It started with Spring,
Went through Summer,
Then came Autumn,
And now Winter has taken its rightful place, in just two weeks,
Winter might be the longest...
I am saddened by the recent and sudden change that occured. But I somehow anticipated it because from my past experience, there are a minority that will not be able to handle rejections and still remain close friends.
It is either you lose a friend or you gain a friend. I know this traingle has been unfair to this person that I treasure and care a lot about. And I know it has hurt him many times because I cannot be with him. What I can offer is friendship not courtship and he knows it very well. He knew he will lose me one day, he was just waiting for the time. It breaks my heart to know that I will hurt him unintentionally and until the time comes I know he will be hurt also. Through whatever decisions or circumstances, I would end up hurting him. What am I to do? No matter what I do I would hurt him. Unless of cause I choose to be with him. But that would not be possible because I found my soulmate, I would not give him up for anything or anyone else. I am in a very difficult position. The least I want in my life is to hurt people I love, people who are close to me and people I care and treasure.
I cannot go on pretending I never knew him. I am not a pretender who can just pretend that I never knew him at all. I cannot. It's not my nature. And he thinks I can just erase him out of my life just like a blink of an eye, so easily and just forget him. Well, you do not know me . I am not a heartless and cruel person. I remember people who has shared part of my life. And these people who has shared in my life will always be remembered and treasured by yours truly.
I apologise for all the unintentional hurt I have caused you. But you knew my answer long before. From the bottom of my heart, I want to apologise and ask for your forgiveness for all those hurt I have caused whether intentionally or unintentionally. I never meant to hurt you in anyway. I have always had the best interest for you in mind and not to hurt you in whichever away.
My intentions were all sincere and I cared for you with much sincerity and love. Now that winter has arrived, I will respect each and every of your decisions. Of cause it breaks my heart to know our friendship has turned cold. But as I have said before, I will NEVER forget you. And that is the truth.
I will always be two steps behind you if ever you need someone,
I will always welcome you with open arms like how it was before,
I will give you a warm hug and a shoulder to cry on if you need one,
I will NEVER shut you out of my life UNLESS you shut me out of your life.
Last but not least, I will ALWAYS welcome you with open arms at any time.
It started with Spring,
Went through Summer,
Then came Autumn,
And now Winter has taken its rightful place, in just two weeks,
Winter might be the longest...
I am saddened by the recent and sudden change that occured. But I somehow anticipated it because from my past experience, there are a minority that will not be able to handle rejections and still remain close friends.
It is either you lose a friend or you gain a friend. I know this traingle has been unfair to this person that I treasure and care a lot about. And I know it has hurt him many times because I cannot be with him. What I can offer is friendship not courtship and he knows it very well. He knew he will lose me one day, he was just waiting for the time. It breaks my heart to know that I will hurt him unintentionally and until the time comes I know he will be hurt also. Through whatever decisions or circumstances, I would end up hurting him. What am I to do? No matter what I do I would hurt him. Unless of cause I choose to be with him. But that would not be possible because I found my soulmate, I would not give him up for anything or anyone else. I am in a very difficult position. The least I want in my life is to hurt people I love, people who are close to me and people I care and treasure.
I cannot go on pretending I never knew him. I am not a pretender who can just pretend that I never knew him at all. I cannot. It's not my nature. And he thinks I can just erase him out of my life just like a blink of an eye, so easily and just forget him. Well, you do not know me . I am not a heartless and cruel person. I remember people who has shared part of my life. And these people who has shared in my life will always be remembered and treasured by yours truly.
I apologise for all the unintentional hurt I have caused you. But you knew my answer long before. From the bottom of my heart, I want to apologise and ask for your forgiveness for all those hurt I have caused whether intentionally or unintentionally. I never meant to hurt you in anyway. I have always had the best interest for you in mind and not to hurt you in whichever away.
My intentions were all sincere and I cared for you with much sincerity and love. Now that winter has arrived, I will respect each and every of your decisions. Of cause it breaks my heart to know our friendship has turned cold. But as I have said before, I will NEVER forget you. And that is the truth.
I will always be two steps behind you if ever you need someone,
I will always welcome you with open arms like how it was before,
I will give you a warm hug and a shoulder to cry on if you need one,
I will NEVER shut you out of my life UNLESS you shut me out of your life.
Last but not least, I will ALWAYS welcome you with open arms at any time.
Saturday, December 01, 2007
3 Horrible Weeks
It's been 3 weeks of non-stop. Very sick and tired. During that period I guess evryone was depressed and demoralised. Not surprising. There's always a rainbow after the storm but this rainbow will not stay for long. The storm seems to be longer. Anyhow, I view it as a training grown for me to grow stronger.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Bad Times at Astana
Working in Astana is at most times; depressing recently. The only motivation I have is to gain experience here and nothing else. it is the only thing that benefits me here. Pay is little, work is a lot. It is no different from working your ass off. Much similar to what I call cheap labour. It seems more like the company is exploiting the labourers. No bonuses, or commissions, no working permit, expired visa, etc. What does that tell you? A company well established should not be like that furthermore this is international. This is more like illegal work than a well established international company. I am very upset with my salary simply because I have more responsibilities and skills than one of my colleague and I am getting the same pay. My colleague has very little knowledge about detailing, Photoshop, 3D max to name a few and that person does not really go to site as well and goes back early. Though that person is a degree student, I am gonna be frank; that person has no knowledge about interior designing and I do not know how that person got the degree. Even a diploma student is better than her. I'm not shy to say that I have better skills than that person though I am only a diploma holder. Of cause I am unsatisfied and furious.
Projects here some actually cost a lot of money but where does the money go too? Something worth 1 million USD. Where does the money go to? Sometimes I feel that I am no different from those Bangladesh workers in Malaysia. Working illegally with cheap pay. The difference is that I have a higher qualification and I am in the professional line. My mum did advise me on this matter In which she is right about the company exploiting the workers. Management here is horrible. Now my patience and tolerance level has reached its limits. I do not think I can tolerate working like a cow here anymore. I'm not gonna be a stupid cow.
Projects here some actually cost a lot of money but where does the money go too? Something worth 1 million USD. Where does the money go to? Sometimes I feel that I am no different from those Bangladesh workers in Malaysia. Working illegally with cheap pay. The difference is that I have a higher qualification and I am in the professional line. My mum did advise me on this matter In which she is right about the company exploiting the workers. Management here is horrible. Now my patience and tolerance level has reached its limits. I do not think I can tolerate working like a cow here anymore. I'm not gonna be a stupid cow.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
An Unforgettable Memory
I had an extremely wonderful memory on the night of 25th of September 2007 . In my entire journey of life thus far, no one and I repeat NO ONE has ever done this for me. It was a very sweet memory. Sweetest in my life. Definitely "An Unforgettable Memory". My Moon Cake Festival and Early Birthday Surprise.
After work, I went home and laze in my room for awhile. Not long after I received a phone call from KS. He called me asking me at what time I was free after I finish taking my shower and dinner, so I told him at about 2200 hours; Astana time. He said he has something in store for me. And I could not meet him after 2300 hours.
Not long after having dinner and my shower, KS called again to see if I was ready. He was already waiting for me outside of my apartment. So I asked him what was it and he just ask me to follow him. I thought he just wanted to drop something for me but it wasn't. I was thinking so hard what he wanted to give me. As we were walking towards the guard house at the main entrance of my apartment, he asked me to close my eyes. So I did as was told. He led me to the lake opposite my apartment. With eyes closed, I could only trust him in leading me. And I did.
When we reached our destination, he asked me to open my eyes. To my astonishment, I saw many paper lanterns lighted along the trees at the lakeside. Though not the whole stretch of trees at the lakeside, it was enough to make my jaw drop. That was only the beginning there was another surprise awaiting me. Something more spectacular.
He had me sit down on the bench and asked me to wait and watch for something. Not long after, beautiful fireworks just filled the dark sky. It was wonderful and beautiful. No one has done this for me before. It was a dream come true to watch this. Fireworks just keep filling the sky. One after the other. It was pretty long though the whole fireworks showcase. It was beautiful and I was really touched by what he did. None of my boyfriends has done this for me. It was very thoughtful and sweet of him.
He actually went all out to search for those fireworks and bought it just to celebrate it for my birthday. Since he was going back to Malaysia during my birthday so he decided to give me my birthday surprise early. I was just so speechless at that point of time. I was very touched by what he did. Those fireworks definitely caused him a lot of money. I was happy; too happy to actually describe it. Words just could not explain how happy and touched I was. Thank you KS for making my dream come true. It was one of my secret dreams and you made it come true. I guess it is every girl's dream to have their boyfriend do this but unfortunately he is not mine. Anyway, let's not get into the sad side of the story.
KS thanks a lot for giving all these wonderful memories. I will definitely remember them. It is definitely UNFORGETTABLE. Thanks also for the perfumes you bought. I love it very very much. You just knew what scent I am fond off. I cannot thank you enough for all you have done for me. From the bottom of my heart, I want to express my deepest gratitude and appreciation for all the times you took care of me when I was sick, for watching over me most of the time, for accompanying me to do grocery shopping, etc. And of cause you have left your footprints in my life.
After work, I went home and laze in my room for awhile. Not long after I received a phone call from KS. He called me asking me at what time I was free after I finish taking my shower and dinner, so I told him at about 2200 hours; Astana time. He said he has something in store for me. And I could not meet him after 2300 hours.
Not long after having dinner and my shower, KS called again to see if I was ready. He was already waiting for me outside of my apartment. So I asked him what was it and he just ask me to follow him. I thought he just wanted to drop something for me but it wasn't. I was thinking so hard what he wanted to give me. As we were walking towards the guard house at the main entrance of my apartment, he asked me to close my eyes. So I did as was told. He led me to the lake opposite my apartment. With eyes closed, I could only trust him in leading me. And I did.
When we reached our destination, he asked me to open my eyes. To my astonishment, I saw many paper lanterns lighted along the trees at the lakeside. Though not the whole stretch of trees at the lakeside, it was enough to make my jaw drop. That was only the beginning there was another surprise awaiting me. Something more spectacular.
He had me sit down on the bench and asked me to wait and watch for something. Not long after, beautiful fireworks just filled the dark sky. It was wonderful and beautiful. No one has done this for me before. It was a dream come true to watch this. Fireworks just keep filling the sky. One after the other. It was pretty long though the whole fireworks showcase. It was beautiful and I was really touched by what he did. None of my boyfriends has done this for me. It was very thoughtful and sweet of him.
He actually went all out to search for those fireworks and bought it just to celebrate it for my birthday. Since he was going back to Malaysia during my birthday so he decided to give me my birthday surprise early. I was just so speechless at that point of time. I was very touched by what he did. Those fireworks definitely caused him a lot of money. I was happy; too happy to actually describe it. Words just could not explain how happy and touched I was. Thank you KS for making my dream come true. It was one of my secret dreams and you made it come true. I guess it is every girl's dream to have their boyfriend do this but unfortunately he is not mine. Anyway, let's not get into the sad side of the story.
KS thanks a lot for giving all these wonderful memories. I will definitely remember them. It is definitely UNFORGETTABLE. Thanks also for the perfumes you bought. I love it very very much. You just knew what scent I am fond off. I cannot thank you enough for all you have done for me. From the bottom of my heart, I want to express my deepest gratitude and appreciation for all the times you took care of me when I was sick, for watching over me most of the time, for accompanying me to do grocery shopping, etc. And of cause you have left your footprints in my life.
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