Specially dedicated to Kelvin...

Kelvin Lam....Lamb Lamb sounds better....I miss you Lamb Lamb....I miss the 38 times and the college times we shared. Always aarguing with each other. Always getting at each other...and lots more...I know you miss me cos UK is so boring and without me around it's worst...Haha...Your life is just boring without me..ahahha...You have to admit that. Well I might have good news for you. I might continue my studies soon I guess maybe after next year but might be at a different location and we could meet uo if you are still in UK then. Anyway you have been a wonderful friend all these while and I really really miss you company and our "38" times, "yam-cha" times, movie times and more. Take care my dear friend. I miss you sssssooooooooo muchies!!! I'm fine someone broke my heart but I'm ok now. Thanks for caring....You were the one I run to when I have problems. But now you are so far!!!!! Anyway, just wanna tell you I miss you alot....Come back let me know ok...bye!!!

Kenangan Terindah

Something meaningful I found...

Aku yang lemah tanpamu
Aku yang rentan karena
Cinta yang tlah hilang darimu
Yang mampu menyanjungku

Selama mata terbuka
Sampai jantung tak berdetak
Selama itu pun
Aku mampu tuk mengenangmu

Darimu...
Kutemukan hidupku Bagiku...
Kau lah cinta sejati

Bila yang tertulis untukku
Adalah yang terbaik untukmu
Kan kujadikan kau kenangan
Yang terindah dalam hidupku
Namun takkan mudah bagiku
Meninggalkan jejak hidupku
Yang tlah terukir abadi
Sebagai kenangan yang terindah

I'm not heart broken anymore....

With reference to my previous post,"Someone I might lose or keep", today I have decided to let go of my dear friend. I am not going to be heart broken and saddened by our cold friendship anymore. Thanks to all my dear friends who has been there advising me and giving me moral support. I have thought about all the advises given and I am back to normal again. The happy Felicia all of you know. Sorry to Haric, Rush Darling, Hairul and Fhai that I have been so down these few days. I am back to my normal self now. To those people mentioned above and also Chew Seeng, thanks a lot for your advises. Most of you told me not to mull over a friendship that has turned cold and not negotiable. And he's not giving in either so I guess what you guys said was right. But I will still be his friend if he wants too.

Birthday at Astana

My 21st birthday was not a big party but it was a meaningful one. I spend it with my fiance and friends at Astana. I was very touched that my parents and my younger brother gave me very meaningful words. I miss them. I was so touched to have read messages in their cards and presents they bought. I could not hold back my tears. Though I have not had homesick here in Astana thus far, but my heart miss the warmth and company of each of my family members and friends.



There was a bigger surprise at hand on my birthday, my boyfriend proposed!!! It is a memorable birthday. I was speechless. With all the effort he put in to set up the ambience it was all done with his two hands and brains... It was lovely and romantic. A very beautiful sight. My heart melted. It was simple and romantic. He brought me in the living room with my eyes closed with lights turned off. Then he sat me down and ask me to open my eyes. When I opened my eyes, my heart just melted. This is very very romantic. I was speechless. Then he sang a song to me and ask me THE question. I took awhile to answer though cause I was too happy that no words could express that happiness I felt. And yes I agreed to marry him.

Someone I might lose or keep...

Four months with four seasons,
It started with Spring,
Went through Summer,
Then came Autumn,
And now Winter has taken its rightful place, in just two weeks,
Winter might be the longest...

I am saddened by the recent and sudden change that occured. But I somehow anticipated it because from my past experience, there are a minority that will not be able to handle rejections and still remain close friends.

It is either you lose a friend or you gain a friend. I know this traingle has been unfair to this person that I treasure and care a lot about. And I know it has hurt him many times because I cannot be with him. What I can offer is friendship not courtship and he knows it very well. He knew he will lose me one day, he was just waiting for the time. It breaks my heart to know that I will hurt him unintentionally and until the time comes I know he will be hurt also. Through whatever decisions or circumstances, I would end up hurting him. What am I to do? No matter what I do I would hurt him. Unless of cause I choose to be with him. But that would not be possible because I found my soulmate, I would not give him up for anything or anyone else. I am in a very difficult position. The least I want in my life is to hurt people I love, people who are close to me and people I care and treasure.

I cannot go on pretending I never knew him. I am not a pretender who can just pretend that I never knew him at all. I cannot. It's not my nature. And he thinks I can just erase him out of my life just like a blink of an eye, so easily and just forget him. Well, you do not know me . I am not a heartless and cruel person. I remember people who has shared part of my life. And these people who has shared in my life will always be remembered and treasured by yours truly.

I apologise for all the unintentional hurt I have caused you. But you knew my answer long before. From the bottom of my heart, I want to apologise and ask for your forgiveness for all those hurt I have caused whether intentionally or unintentionally. I never meant to hurt you in anyway. I have always had the best interest for you in mind and not to hurt you in whichever away.

My intentions were all sincere and I cared for you with much sincerity and love. Now that winter has arrived, I will respect each and every of your decisions. Of cause it breaks my heart to know our friendship has turned cold. But as I have said before, I will NEVER forget you. And that is the truth.

I will always be two steps behind you if ever you need someone,
I will always welcome you with open arms like how it was before,
I will give you a warm hug and a shoulder to cry on if you need one,
I will NEVER shut you out of my life UNLESS you shut me out of your life.


Last but not least, I will ALWAYS welcome you with open arms at any time.

3 Horrible Weeks

It's been 3 weeks of non-stop. Very sick and tired. During that period I guess evryone was depressed and demoralised. Not surprising. There's always a rainbow after the storm but this rainbow will not stay for long. The storm seems to be longer. Anyhow, I view it as a training grown for me to grow stronger.